About Solidity

I think I need to improve myself and my current situation, because I am dissatisfied (at least a little bit) with how things are. I have a drive to improve, improve. There is some urge whether it’s an internal drive or an external push from society. So I strive for change. 

For my recent times it all was about exercise more, eat better, read more, be more mindful, do more productive work, and be more disciplined.

 

And yet, I struggle with change. Why is that? What’s going on? Why am I going to accomplish with this?

 

For temporary mundane sake, the problem is that I cling to the illusion of solidity.

 

Allow me to explain. It turns out that I want things to be solid in my lives: I want a solid accomplishment, money routine, work routine, daily routine. I want a solid version of myself, that’s not so blown about by the winds of whim.

 

I want everyone else around me to be solid, dependable, stable, the way I want them to be. I want my relationships with human to be solid, trustworthy. I want my body to be solid, not subject to injury and illness. I want everyone else to be solid and not die or get sick. Of course, my rational minds know this always possible, but still, this is what I want. Solidity.

 

Unfortunately, I’m grasping for something solid in a river. There is no solidity, just fluidity.

 

I am fluid, like water. Nonsolid, like an air.

 

And yet I want myself to be solid. I grasp for this solidity, despite my fluidity. I struggle with my improvements, because even if I perfectly plan my solid progress, I will never follow this perfectly solid plan. I drip through the form I created for myself, find the cracks and leak out of it.

 

Everything else around me is also nonsolid. Every other entity is just as fluid as we are. I want everything and everyone to be solid, but they aren’t. They never will.

 

So how to tackle this?

 

For now, I can just barely consider none of the problems around me are that big of a deal. There’s nothing I can’t handle. So, till I get the problem I can’t solve in future time, help me to do what I have to do.